Sitting Duck

I started this blog last July and haven’t published anything since. I have written a few blog posts, and just felt like I needed to sit on them for a while. Sitting duck comes to mind. There are a few reasons for this.

Time to edit and perfect is one reason. I transitioned to a new teaching position in September. I am teaching high school students for the first time. My class consists of students in grade 9 – 12 in a program we call High School Success. It has been an amazing transition for me.  The program consists of regular curriculum in addition to job and life readiness skills. At first I wasn’t keen on the idea of changing positions yet again. However, after some inner contemplation I realized that I had presented professional development about leadership and change management, therefore I better lead by example. Change and see where the change would lead me. What the resistance to the change really came down to was a fear of the amount of work that it might bring into my life. After all I had promised myself I was going to make a balanced life a priority. Breaking this idea down further was probably the fear of failing on the promise I had made to myself. Coming to terms with letting go of the junior high program that I co-built from scratch was also part of the process.

Another reason for my sitting duck syndrome is explored in another post. This is the act of publicly displaying creative works and the idea of what it means to be ‘good enough’. Creative works have been likened to giving birth. Publicly displaying “your baby” opens one up to public criticisms; putting the creator in a vulnerable position. You know … the ‘what will people think’ syndrome. Nevertheless, it is something I have to get over. I’m always reminding myself that what other people think is none of my business.

I have finally had time to review previously written posts and the weirdest phenomenon occurred. Thoughts of this isn’t me anymore, and I wish I had published these when I wrote them came to mind. The writings feel false somehow. Not false in the sense that the events didn’t happen, because they certainly did. Now, many months later, there is a resonating emotional disconnection from them.

It occurred to me that the reason we create portfolios of student work is to have evidence of growth and improvement.  Individual student work accumulated over the year is physical, visual evidence. My blog is proving the same in my life. Visual evidence of growth and change, and that is totally exciting! I suppose it is mostly exciting because the growth has been in moving forward. The change in teaching position has been a blessing for me. I have been able to keep balance in my life, although I have to focus on balance to create it. An amazing phenomenon happened once I figured out this idea of creating life balance and letting go of the old. When I stopped doing one thing too much, and letting go of old limiting beliefs many avenues to do other things appeared.

Author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series Jack Canfield says, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” This has been evident in my life. The key is to get to the bottom of what the fear is really about, and trust and be open to the process. I am going to publish my old blog posts, and keep in mind that they are my life’s portfolio.

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